A Collection of Lemony Events
by SigningOff
Summary: Just what the doctor ordered! If that doctor were Dr. Ruth. Or if you suffered from nymphomania. Or some other similar sexy disorder. All are rated M for lemony goodness.
1. The Mile High Club

**A/N: It's just what the title says. A collection of lemony events. Each chapter will just be about different people getting it on in different places and situations. All the chapters will be short, can't help it. Return soon for more lemony goodness. I can't say when I'll update, because that will just put more pressure on me, then I'll freak out and go into procrastination mode, and then it will be like, 2 weeks. So I'll tell you it won't be long between updates, but I don't know how short it will be. Kay, onto the lemons!**

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**A Collection of Lemony Events**

**The Mile High Club**

**Edward/Bella, Bella's human and Edward's all vampy**

Edward smiled at Bella as they boarded the airplane. "Are you ready, my love?" he asked her as they sat in their seats. She smiled back once she had sat down.

"As ready as I'll ever be." She said with false happiness.

"Oh come on Bella, a second honeymoon is not that bad. You'll enjoy yourself, I promise." Edward took her hand in his and squeezed it.

Bella settled back and looked out the window. This was going to be a long trip. When Edward had suggested a second honeymoon she had agreed, just to agree. She didn't figure he would actually plan it and everything. "But here I am," she thought, "taking off for Hawaii." She rolled her eyes. Edward wasn't the only one to be blamed however. Alice had a very big part in why she was to be on this crowded airplane for hours on end. Yes, that little pixie was going to pay.

Edward had pulled out a very thick book on some kind of medical term.

"My gosh, this is going to be a very long and very boring flight." Bella thought. She looked at her nails. She played with her hair. She twiddled her thumbs.

Bella sighed and went back to looking out the window. "Something wrong, love?" Edward asked.

"No. I'm just, bored."

"Try reading something. You brought Romeo and Juliet, didn't you?" Edward suggested.

"Okay. Maybe that will work." Bella reached in between her legs and dug in her bag. Instead of pulling out Romeo and Juliet however, she pulled out some paper and a pen. She stared at the blank page in her lap before getting a very, insanely, wicked idea.

Bella scribbled something on the paper and passed the folded note to Edward. "Don't open it until I leave! I'm going to the bathroom." Bella disappeared down the aisle.

"What in the world? What is this?" Edward thought. He opened and read the note out loud. "Wait two minutes until after I leave. Then follow me into the bathroom." He read the note to himself again. "What? Is she crazy?" he whispered. He turned the note over and over in his hand. He contemplated the options. "I could stay here, and just wait for her to come back. Or, I could wait the two minutes and then see what she is up to." Edward ran his hand through his hair and made a decision. He would see what his crazy wife was up to.

Down the aisle, Bella waited inside the bathroom. It wasn't long before she heard a soft knock on the door.

"Edward? Is that you?" she called softly through the door.

"Yes, Bella. What do you need?" he called back.

She opened the door to let him in. Being that the bathroom was incredibly small, there was only enough space for two inches between them. Bella felt the adrenaline rush from what was she was doing.

"Yes, Bella? Why do you have us cramped into this tiny bathroom?"

Bella looked into his eyes. "I think it's time that you joined the Mile High Club. What do you think?" She trailed her hand up his stomach to rub his neck.

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Have you lost your mind, Bella? We can't do that!" Edward thought of the hundreds of people behind him and worked to keep his voice low.

"And why can't we, Mr. Cullen?" Bella asked. She saw the look in his eyes. Edward absolutely loved it when she called him Mr. Cullen.

"Damn. It's not fair, she knows what that does to me." Edward thought. He tried to explain how this could be a very, very bad idea. "There are hundreds of people out there. What happens if one of them has to pee? Don't you remember that time at the park?" Of course, he was referring to the time they had gotten a little too frisky at the park, and ended up at the police station.

"Yes, and I also remember that that was your idea, and therefore, that little escapade was your fault. However, I am in control right now, and I think we won't get caught." Bella kissed him directly on the lips.

Edward felt his resistance fading. He broke away. "But-"

Bella looked into his eyes. "You said that I would get to do everything I love on this trip, and I think that should include you." She kissed him again.

"Bella...." Edward said shakily, but still resisting.

"How is he still resisting?" Bella thought. "This is proving to be a lot harder than I previously thought it would. Time to pull out the big guns." She grabbed his face and looked him in the eyes. "Edward, I want you to fuck me so hard, that the people outside this door hear me scream your name."

Edward gaped at her. He had never heard anything worse than "hell" escape her lips, and then only when referring to the place. Suddenly, she had shifted into a dirty talking vixen. And he couldn't find it any sexier. Edward grabbed her hips and kissed her hard. "Yes ma'am!" he smiled at her.

"Freakin' finally! I thought he'd never break!" Bella thought.

Edward pushed her back and reached his hand under her shirt. Bella felt the backs of her knees knock against something solid. "Oops, toilet." she giggled. Edward turned around and managed to get her shirt off at the same time. Edward quickly undressed Bella's lower half and pushed her up against the bathroom door. He kicked his pants and boxers off (Which is surprisingly difficult when you're in a four-by-four foot space).

"Look, Bella, if we're going to do this, you're going to have to be quiet. Got it? Completely silent." He slid a finger into her, eliciting a moan. Edward looked at her and placed a finger over his mouth. Bella nodded and pretended to lock her lips and throw away the key.

Bella hooked a leg onto Edward's waist as he slowly entered her. Bella bit her lips and dug her fingers into Edward's back to keep from squealing. Edward kissed her neck to otherwise occupy his mouth. He set a slow rhythm.

Bella looked into his eyes. "Faster, Edward." she whispered almost silently. "She's usually so quiet when we're intimate." Edward thought. "Now she's turned into this demanding sex kitten, and I think I like it." He gladly obliged.

Down the aisle and on the left side next to the window, sat Bettie Larson. Mrs. Larson was seventy years old, but still enjoyed wild activities such as riding motorcycles and taking trips to Hawaii for surfing contests. However, she was old, and had a weak bladder. While Edward and Bella were in the bathroom getting their bump-n-grind on, Ms. Bettie decided she better go pee. She headed to the bathroom.

Back in the bathroom, Bella's grip was getting tighter as she neared her orgasm. It was now taking all her concentration to keep her mouth closed, though she couldn't help a small moan or gasp here or there. Edward was having a difficult time holding his tongue too. He had never wanted to make more noise than when he had to be quiet. Edward looked into Bella's eyes and saw a pleading look. Edward knew that look. That was the "I'm-so-close-please-please-keep-going" look. He couldn't resist that look.

Just then there was a small knock on the door. Edward looked alarmed at Bella, but both were too far gone to actually stop. There was another knock along with a woman's voice who called "Is there someone in there?"

Edward looked at Bella. "Say something!" he mouthed at her.

Bella shook her head frantically. If she opened her mouth now, nothing would come out except a scream of pleasure.

Edward nodded back at her.

Finally Bella's orgasm hit her as if she had run full force into a brick wall.

"YES! YES! OH GOD, YES, THE BATHROOM IS FREAKIN OCCUPIED!" Bella screamed as she felt the waves of her orgasm rush over her. She dug her nails into Edward's back as she convulsed against him. "Shit!" Edward hissed in a feverish whisper as his orgasm hit. They gripped each other tightly.

"Okay, dear. I'll come back later." Bettie said, and turned to return to her seat.

Edward leaned his head forward on Bella's chest. Their chests rose up and down in sync as they worked to return their breathing back to normal.

"Do you think she heard me?" Edward whispered hoarsely.

Bella shook her head. "Nuh-uh, I don't think so."

"Yeah, so much for you being completely silent. I wonder if she noticed you were having a huge orgasm when you said that sentence." Edward teased.

"Oh, shut up. Come on let's get dressed." They hurried about the small room, trying to find articles of thrown clothing. After searching carefully for the underwear Bella was wearing, and giving up on finding them, they made their exits: Bella first, Edward two minutes later.

About fifteen minutes later, Ms. Bettie decided the young lady must finally be out of the bathroom, she headed back. Upon closing the door and making for the toilet, she saw a splotch of color. She went up to examine the purple item. She looked.

"Is that- Are those...panties?"

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**A/N: So there it is. The first chapter. Who knows where they'll do it next? Better come back to see! So, how was it? Did you like? I think you should review, or at least leave me some kind of update if you did. But who listens to what I think anyway? Cuz I think some crazy things! But anyway, I'm asking you to vote in my poll on my profile. The results could influence future chapters! Or they might not. Or maybe they will. You never know. Better be on the safe side and vote. THANX! XoXo**


	2. Cooking with Bella Swan

**A/N: Here's the new chapter. I went through a real uninspired rut for a long while, but I'm back! Details on why in the bottom A/N if you care. Now for some words from Bella: _Hey Ya'll! Come on in!_ (Please ignore Bella's crazy Paula Dean-esque southern accent. Continue to the story if you like.) _"Ya'll come on back now, ya hear?"_ (*Smacks forehead*)  
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**Pairing: Edward/Bella**

**Rating: A little dirtier than normal.**

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**Cooking with Bella Swan!**

**A Collection of Lemony Events  
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Naked. Covered in chocolate. And so surprised that their muscles had frozen with fear. Who else would manage to get themselves into such a compromising situation besides Bella and Edward? Here's how it happened.

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Edward walked into his living room after a game of baseball with his family. At the end of the game everyone had went their separate ways and Edward had ended up being the only one coming home. He sighed and thought of Bella enjoying her vacation in Seattle that Charlie treated them to every few months. She was probably as bored as he was. Just as he had taken off his shoes and prepared to relax, he heard a rattle in the kitchen. He walked into the kitchen and was frozen mid-step by what he saw. Bella stood at his counter, stirring something, wearing nothing but lacy things that could hardly count as underwear.

Bella stopped stirring her concoction when she heard Edward's gasp. She ran her finger along the inside of the bowl. I thought you guys might like some brownies. There's some already in the oven. She turned and looked at him. You guys do like chocolate, don't you? Bella slowly licked the batter from the tip of her finger. She smiled as she watched Edward's gaze drift over her body. His expression was a mixture of surprise and lust.

It seemed as if it took Edward two seconds to close the space between them. So this is you idea of a surprise? Edward whispered in her ear.

He trailed his lips across the tender spot behind her left ear. To seduce me by baking in just underwear?

His tongue gently stroked her earlobe before he took it between his teeth and bit softly. Bella pressed herself closer to him and moaned.

In the kitchen, Bella? Do you want to take you on the counter, or perhaps up against the refrigerator? he whispered huskily in her ear.

His finger hooked under the thin elastic of her panties. Bella let out a small groan. Edward had always refrained from actually talking about the sex they had, but this sudden change was driving Bella mad.

Bella grabbed his hips and ground against him. But this time, I intend to take you. Before Edward knew it, Bella had switched places with him and had Edward pressed against the counter.

I feel like taking the upper hand today. Is that okay with you, Edward? Bella ran her tongue gently along his ear. The rhythm of his breathing became jagged for a second. Mm. I'll take that as a yes. Bella responded. She began to kiss along his jaw slowly, enjoying the taste that only Edward had. She trailed her hands up and down his sides. She kissed along his collar bone until her lips met with fabric.

Take it off. Bella commanded, breathing huskily. It took long enough for Bella to blink before she saw Edward's shirt on the floor beside them. She continued her trek down his chest. She felt his heart beat quickly under in his chest, and the tenseness of his muscles.

Bella was just unbuttoning his jeans when she heard Edward speak. Bella, his voice was also tense, Are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to.

Bella giggled. Of course I don't have to, but I want to. She pulled the zipper down. Now just relax and enjoy yourself please Edward.

Edward sighed and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. She yanked his pants and boxers down in one pull.

Whoa. Bella thought. Wow. She had never been so up close and personal with little Edward. Quite frankly, the size surprised her.

Forget it. Bella thought. Let's do this. She took him into her mouth. She felt Edward twitch under her and began to build up a slow rhythm.

Before long she had gained momentum. Suddenly, Edward's voice broke her concentration and rhythm.

Ah, Bella, if we're ever going to, um, get to the main course, I think we better stop. She noticed his voice was shaky, and a little higher than normal. Bella got up slowly.

Now I can do with you as I please. Bella looked at him confused before Edward swept her off her feet, moved the mixing bowls aside on the counter and sat her down there. Bella smiled.

She was reaching back to undo her bra when Edward interrupted her. Not so fast. I think we can have a little fun before we get carried away. He took his finger and scooped a bit of the batter and put it on her cheek. It looks like you have something on your face. Let me get it off for you. Bella giggled as he proceeded to use his mouth to remove the batter.

Soon both Bella and Edward were covered in chocolate and completely nude. Edward kissed on the inside of her thigh. Bella's breathing quickened. He kissed higher and higher until her reached where her legs met.

Bella let out a small exhale of breath. Edward continued his small licks between kisses. He felt the tenseness of her muscles. She ran her hand through his hair.

Bella was now emitting so many gasps and sighs that if someone were to walk in right at the moment, there would be no question as to what they were doing. Edward felt her start to shiver and quickened his tongue. Bella's nails were scratching relentlessly on the marble counter when she felt the tingle of her orgasm start. She let out a squeal as her orgasm hit her full force.

Edward kissed his way back up her body. Was that my name being screamed that I heard? he chuckled smugly.

Very funny. You must think you're God's gift to women now, but are you up for a repeat performance? Bella teased.

Repeat performance you want, repeat performance you shall have. Edward laughed as he picked Bella up once again and carried her over to the wide kitchen table.

She lay back and wrapped her legs around him. Ready? Set. Go. She ordered. Edward smirked and thrust into her quickly. She moaned at the long awaited sensation. Forget the build up, let's head straight for the finish line. Bella moaned; Edward obliged by setting a very quick pace.

Edward felt as if he were on cloud nine as he watched Bella's back arch repeatedly. Having been through medical school, he knew females had more nerve endings. If he felt like he was on cloud nine, Bella must be singing with the angels. She had her eyes screwed shut tightly, and was moaning breathlessly. He knew that she must be close to the tipping point.

Edward felt the first slight rumblings of his orgasm and knew that he had to get Bella overboard and fast. He reached his hand down between them to touch her. Bella arched forward with surprising pleasure at the gesture.

Oh! she groaned as she pressed her face into his bare chest. She shivered as wave after wave of pleasure shook her body. Edward cursed quietly as his orgasm finally arrived.

Edward wrapped his arms around her and held her, bare chest to bare chest. I love you so much. I'm so glad you're all mine, my wife. And your amazing sex ideas never hurt either.

He chuckled as Bella just nodded her head and muttered a response. Ditto. she said, breathing hard. He knew she was often reduced to one word sentences after such sexual rendezvous.

He was planting a small kiss onto her head when he heard the front door slam. He heard running feet nearing the kitchen and a surprised voice.

Oh man! Is someone baking brownies?! Emmett yelled.

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**A/N: Okay, so this why it took so long for an update. I had geared myself up to write about 3 weeks or so ago, and was having trouble on some aspect of the story. So I went to look for my favorite author on here for inspiration: Daddy's Little Cannibal. After searching and hearing the terrible news, I didn't feel like writing anything! This lasted longer than I thought it would. Thus, this chapter is dedicated to Daddy's Little Canibal. I'll miss her unique style of writing a lot! Then after losing Farrah, MJ, and BILLY MAYS (I'm yelling because he always did.) I decided that all this death stuff was too crazy, and just decided to write like no tomorrow! The product is this chapter! I hope you guys like it, and sorry if I ended it on a downer note! Favorites and Reviews make me do the Happy Dance!**


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